


A Bundle of Joy

by Smultron



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Baby, Childbirth, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-13
Updated: 2015-05-20
Packaged: 2018-03-30 07:11:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3927580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smultron/pseuds/Smultron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She gives him her first smile, she is only a few weeks old. It is a wondrous feeling. So contagious, it is impossible not to smile back.<br/>He would treasure this short time, a time when he could hold her in his arms. Too young to understand his words.<br/>"Ir abelas," he says, and now he has to fight to keep his smile.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Solas had seen childbirths before, or fragments of them. Sometimes in the fade, they often left small traces because of the emotions they provoked. And because sometimes things went _wrong_. He had seen it in less than ideal places in the physical world. He had helped to deliver children out of necessity when no midwife or healer could be found. He knew very well it could be dangerous to both mother and child. But that did not mean he had any deeper knowledge of childbirths, it was mostly his moderate skills as a healer that had been required.

He could never have dreamt he would witness the birth of his own child, yet here he was. He had always admired her ability to focus, an ability which helped her now during the labour. It started in the afternoon and continued all night, but she kept her concentration. She walked around most of the time, and when a contraction came she leaned on him. He noticed it coming and intensify as her embrace tightened, her breathing slowed and became controlled. She never said anything then, silent with her breaths as the only sound in the room. He did not say anything either, not willing to disturb her.

When it was over, her breathing went back to normal and she could talk again. He entertained her with things he had seen in the fade, they talked about their friends, light topics, nothing that would upset her. Only once she lost control of a contraction, she had tried to lie down to get some rest. Her face became distorted with agony, revealing the extent of the pain she was actually experiencing. She had felt so composed before he could not have guessed.

‘Okay, that one seriously hurt. I lost control,’ she said breathlessly.

‘Are you alright?’ he asked.

‘Yes, I’m fine. I think they’re becoming more intense now.’

‘I wish I could help you with the pain.’

‘You can’t, without the contractions the baby won’t come out.’

‘I am aware, and I feel powerless because of it.’

She smiled, ‘Don’t, you’re very helpful. And it’s not so ba-” She clutched his shoulder.

A new contraction so soon, they did not just intensify, they were more frequent as well. He slowly stroked her lower back. He buried his face into her neck.

‘Hmm,’ she hummed and relaxed.

‘Don’t stop,’ she said when he removed his hand from her back.

‘Do you like this?’ he said and firmly pressed her back again.

‘Mm, it feels good.’

‘Then I shall continue.’ He smiled, content to have something to do. If he could please her in some small way, he would do it.

‘Oh!’ She tensed again.

‘Another one?’ he asked. She did not answer.

‘You should drink something again, do you think you could eat? You’ll need your strength,’ he said when it had passed.

‘I’m not hungry.’

‘I see, but drink something at least.’

He turned around, ‘Could she get something to drink please,’ he asked the midwife who came offering a mug of juice.

‘The contraction come more often now I see,’ she said.

‘Yes, definitely,’ Ellana took a sip of the juice, but immediately shoved back into the midwife’s hand.

Another contraction.

He felt her relax as she released him, ‘May I have that again? she pointed at the mug.

‘Of course,’ the midwife said and added, ‘I think it’s time to check on how you’re progressing.’

Ellana drank the juice and moved towards the bed but stopped midway, ‘Bucket!’

He instantly looked about the room, where was it? He spotted it by the bed, grabbed it and rushed to her. Unfortunately it was too late. She vomited and most of it ended up on the floor. The amount he managed to catch in the bucket was laughing at him, along with the part that landed on him. He should have fade-stepped instead.

‘It’s actually a good thing, it means it’ll soon be over, love,’ the midwife informed them.

‘I’m so sorry Solas,’ Ellana appologised.

‘No matter-’

“Shit!’

He startled at her exclamation. He did not have time to help her and without support she crumpled and ended up having a contraction while on her hands and knees.

‘This sort of works too… but no, help me up,’ she said when she was able to speak again.

He hurried to help her and after two more contractions she eventually got onto the bed.

The midwife examined her, ‘Good news, you’re almost fully dilated.’

‘Almost?! Okay, alright, I can do this.’

‘I’m proud of you vhenan. You’re doing admirably,’ he tried to cheer her on.

‘I just do what I must do, I don’t have much choice do I?’ she snapped.

‘...That is certainly accurate.’ Apparently he was not very good at it.

Everything escalated from there, Ellana stopped talking altogether and Solas could only watch as she withdrew within herself, her gaze was distant and she did not appear to notice what happened around her anymore. She did not need him, he was useless in this situation.

The smell of vomit lingered even after a servant girl had come and cleaned it up. She excused herself in a very servile manner when she left. It would probably have bothered him in any other situation, but now he could not care less.

After a while of what seemed to be an endless contraction Ellana broke the silence, ‘I sort of want to push now.’

‘Don’t push yet, love, I have to check you first.’

‘I can’t stop it,’ she groaned.

‘Try to relax, breathe, you’re doing great.’

Despite her efforts she grimaced, or perhaps because of them.

‘I really want to push!’

‘You’re actually fully dilated, you can push when you feel you have to.’

‘Finally!’ She lifted her head and pushed, her face distorted from the effort. The feeling of being worthless did not stop, but he held her hand and tried to encourage her. If she had been quiet before she was much more vocal now. Some time passed but the baby was not showing itself yet.

‘This isn’t working, I don’t want to lie down!” Ellana said.

‘If you want, you can try standing on all fours,’ the midwife suggested.

‘Okay, I’ll try that. Help me.’

He helped her to turn and get in position.

She groaned, ‘This is better, I feel like I have more power to push now. But fenhedis, that hurts. I feel sorry for everyone who has to go through this.’

‘You’re doing great, with every push you’re getting closer to meeting your baby. I see the scalp now, just a few more pushes and you’ll see your baby.’

Ellana who had started to look tired, smiled hopefully at this information. It would soon be over, The midwife pressed a damp cloth to where the baby’s head was finally coming out.

‘One more push and the head is out, you can do it!’

She pushed again.

‘Almost, just one more push!’

‘You said it would come out, but it didn’t!’

‘I promise you, it’ll soon be over.’

She pushed once again.

‘The head is out!’

‘That really burns.’

‘You’ve done the worst part, love. Come on!’

Cries filled the air, an infant’s cries. The midwife lay the baby on Ellana’s stomach. A blanket to cover it. She lifted it, it cried desperately.

‘A girl,’ Ellana laughed through tears.

Night had turned into morning, the early rays dazzled him. He was a father.

And then, when he held that warm, screaming little person for the first time, he felt lost. All the times he had seen mothers carry their babies, he had not once reflected on what it meant. The weight of a baby, the commitment needed. His head was in turmoil, there were feelings one was supposed to feel. Love? But even that was not enough. Responsibility? He was certainly responsible for her. She was not meant to be, but she was here.

Ten fingers ten toes, she was heavier than she looked. But still so light. Her tiny body trembled from every cry, he felt it as he kept her close against his chest, careful to support her head. He at least knew he had to do that. One could still count the number of breaths taken.

He had even cut the umbilical cord himself, sewering the physical connection between mother and child. Not completely unheard of, but not how it usually was done. But he was nervous to let anyone else near them with a knife. The simple truth was that he did not trust anyone, not really, but himself. And even that was barely. Had betrayed and been betrayed too many times.

Now he was waiting. They were waiting. The placenta had not yet come out, it must come out. The midwife examined her, pulled the umbilical cord and then pressed her belly, he could tell Ellana tensed but only for an instant,

‘I think the placenta is loose now, you can push it out when you’re ready,’ the midwife said.

Ellana did as she was told and it came out without much effort, quite bloody and messy. The midwife picked it up and commented that it looked healthy and intact. He sighed of relief. She proceeded by massaging Ellana’s stomach. She tensed again, he guessed it must be very uncomfortable. The midwife noticed it too, ‘I know it feels unpleasant but I’m helping your womb to contract.’

‘ _Very_ unpleasant,’ Ellana said sounding a little annoyed.

‘You can try it yourself later if you want to, that might be easier.’

He carefully placed the newborn on her mother’s chest again, he felt clumsy, as if he could not hold her properly. She was a living being, possibly, probably the most precious he had every helt. He knew it had to be, rather than felt it. Ellana.

As if by magic she immediately ceased crying and commenced to crawl towards her mother’s left nipple. It was fascinating to see the pure animalistic instinct to survive in such a tiny helpless creature. The love he was suppose to feel was not there yet, where was it? He looked at her too objectively.

Soon her struggles made him impatient instead, he wanted to just grab her and put her right where the nipple was, but he knew Ellana would not like it.

He was tired, he had not slept for over a day. Ellana must be more tired. How tired she must be. She intently watched the little elf, who was rubbing her face against the nipple now, gaping trying to latch on, barely able to lift her head. Ellana looked exhausted but motherly with a sweet smile on her lips. She looked like someone in love, mesmerized. Why could not he?

‘How are you feeling, vhenan?’ he asked. He wanted to know. He loved her, that was not a lie.

‘Sore, but happy.’

‘I can imagine.’ He smiled weakly, ‘I think I can help you with that, if you’d like.’

“What do you think we- oh!’

‘What happened?!’

‘She latched on ...it feels weird.’

‘But that’s good is it not?’ He was so tired it was getting increasingly difficult to focus.

‘Of course that’s good. She needs to eat. It’s just that it feels strange, but I’m sure I’ll get used to it.’

‘I see...’

‘Solas, you can go to sleep if you want.’

‘But you must be so much more tired than I. I couldn’t possibly...’

‘Actually, I feel strangely energetic. I don’t know why, I should be exhausted. But I don’t think I could sleep right now. I want to look at her some more, and I want her to eat as soon as possible. Well, she’s eating right now.’

‘Well, I guess I will rest a little then… Please, if anything happens or if you need anything, wake me up.’

‘I will, now sleep!’

 

When he woke up he felt disoriented. Then he remembered, he had fallen asleep on the sofa. It was dark outside, but the moon filled the room with its blue silvery light, casting long shadows. So he must have slept the whole day. She was too indulgent with him, or perhaps she did not need him. He would have preferred it if someone had woken him up.

The fire had burnt down, only embers left. He rose and stretched his stiffened limbs. He hunched by the fireplace and added new firewood. With a thought a blazing fire roared. He looked over at the bed, and saw that it had been tidied up and now mother and baby lay fast asleep beside each other. They looked peaceful, they naturally belonged to each other. The question was where he belonged. Could he even sleep in the same bed as them.

The cradle stood empty beside the bed, the Dalish slept close together and infants often on top of their mothers. It must feel natural to Ellana to keep her baby near and he saw no reason to argue, he knew very little of babies.

There was still room left so they could possibly sleep all three together. But he hesitated, and it was not because he was afraid that he would crush the baby while sleeping, he did not move much during sleep. Ellana was usually much more restless than him when she slept but even she was still now. Perhaps she sensed the baby beside her.

He sat down on the bed, not taking his eyes off them. He could go to sleep again, he most likely could. His stomach protested at the lack of food, but he decided to ignore it. He had felt worse before. Besides, in the fade he would not feel hunger.

He took off his dirty clothes stained with vomit and blood. He tried to get as clean as possible with the water and rag he had at his disposal. He would rather have a nice bath but it was too late for that tonight. First thing tomorrow, he promised himself. He deliberated whether he should lie down on the sofa again. But the bed was tempting, it was much more comfortable and Ellana slept there. For several months he had slept without her, and they felt like centuries.

Finally he opted for the bed and fearing he might wake them up, he carefully lay down on the bed. Once there he became acutely cognizant of the presence beside him. It was impossible to sleep. Of course it did not help that he had slept all day, but that usually did not stop him anyway. He accustomed to being able to enter the fade at will. However the real reason was the farcical absurdity of the whole situation. What was he doing here? He did not have the luxury to indulge in this kind of fantasy. Were they going to play family now? She did not even know his real name, what she knew was lies and half-truths. How could you build a family on a foundation such as that. Lies eating him from the inside, he wanted to tell her. He wanted to, but how could he. She would hate him if she knew. He was so afraid of her rejection. It was a wonder that she had taken him back in the first place. Especially since he could not give a satisfying explanation to why he had left or what he had been doing during his absence.

How could he have believed he would be able to do this. It was almost humorous, he had lived thousands of years but he was still shaped by his first few years in this world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Childbirth, it’s painful, but that’s okay. It can actually be a pretty cool experience.  
> I’m not against pain relief at all if you need it, but without oxytocin, cesareans and being able to monitor the baby’s heart rate, it’d probably be too dangerous. So they will have to do without in my Thedas :)
> 
> Ever since I found out Solas is Fen'Harel I thought it'd be quite delicious if Lavellan and Solas had a baby. Elvhen glory! So I knew when I started to write fanfiction again I'd probably write a baby fic. I hadn't planned for it to be the actual labour, that just happened. As for the title, to me, that phrase sounds ridiculous which is why I had to choose it. 'Hello baby, not to put pressure on you or anything **but you will bring us nothing but joy!'**


	2. Chapter 2

An early memory, one that had hopelessly stuck, was his grandmother striking a slave boy, sending him crashing to the floor. They were still very small children. Memories, fleeting unreliable, but this had to be authentic because it would never have been mentioned again. Sweep it under the rug, pretend it never happened. He had been reprimanded and sent to his room. He never saw that boy again. What happened to him, he could only guess. Most likely sold off.

Their transgression was innocuous enough, they had merely played together. He recalled the shock and the bewilderment. He could not comprehend why she would do that, his beloved grandmother who had never harmed a hair on his head. But he found out, there was a difference, on that day. Some people are worth more than others and other people would just disappear if they presumed to be on the same level as him, even if it was only in a game. Later, the hateful glances from the boy’s father, perhaps imagined, probably not. He never mentioned this to his grandmother, she would most likely have punished the man as well. But he deserved much more than hateful looks. He felt ashamed, it was his fault, he should have known better.

He never made that mistake again, not even when he was not staying with his grandmother. He did not want to get anyone else in trouble and he did not want to disappoint her, who ironically was the only relative he had who was not dysfunctional. His parents left him starving for affection, and she was the only one who cared for him. His grandmother was a formidable woman, powerful and beautiful. He revered her, so different from his mother. It was just that it made him so terribly lonely.

 

Although not as much as he had the Inquisitor believe, he did find much of his knowledge in the Fade. It was also there he had learnt of her pregnancy. Even if he had sworn it to himself he was too weak to keep away entirely. He was still concerned about her, even if he could not be with her, it felt important that she was safe. That she was still alive. She was still young even for a mortal, but her role as the Inquisitor was a dangerous one, a fact which the fate of the last Inquisitor only underlined. She was continuously harried, everyone tried to use her and some day, some mission would be her last if she continued on this path.

The consternation, when he caught sight of her swollen belly, it felt like a punch in the stomach. Everything was the same, it was her room at Skyhold. The ridiculous Avvar bed she had purchased to replace the ridiculous Orlesian bed, her desk, a sofa. Books, paper work, the fire was kept. The sun shone through those coloured glass windows. Dalish glass, whatever that meant, the Dalish did not have windows, but he had to concede he did not detest their appearance.

This was the fade, he had to remind himself. Perhaps this was a trick by a demon foolish enough to try to get into his head. If so, it would regret it. If it was trying to unnerve him it had succeeded. He would crush it, making it regret trying to trick Fen’Harel.

He shook his head, he knew, this was her. Her belly, she was pregnant. Whose?

‘Solas?’

She had noticed him. Fenhedis, he had to get out of here, he had to wake…

‘Solas, wait! I need to talk to you!’ she called to him.

He forced himself to turn around, to face her again. No, he could do nothing else, he had to know.

‘Wh- who is the father?’ to his embarrassment, he stuttered. He did not know which was worse, if it was his or someone else’s.

‘Well, hello to you too.’

‘...Hello.’

‘You left.’

‘I know.’

‘Without a word. You could at least have the decency to say goodbye.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘But you’re not going to tell me why?’

‘...’ He was torn between not wanting and wanting to answer, so he ended up saying nothing. His tongue felt thick in his mouth.

First she looked disappointed, then irritated, ‘Fine, have it your way. You’re not the only one with secrets. It was nice knowing you, goodbye Solas. There, that wasn’t so hard was it? Now we have our goodbye, I feel much better already,’ she snapped.

‘Ellana...’

‘What?’

‘I must know.’

‘What must you know?’

‘The… baby. Who is the father?’

‘Why do you care?’

‘Well, if it is mine...’

‘So what if it’s yours? Is that going to change anything?’

‘It might, it would. I would know.’

‘Perhaps, you don’t deserve to know, you won’t be here anyway.’

‘Ellana, please.’

‘So, you think pleading with me would help? I seem to recall, I tried that with you once. And look how far that got me.’

He had a growing suspicion, it had to be his. She would not be so defensive if it was someone else’s. In fact, she would probably throw it in his face, to hurt him. And he would deserve it.

‘It’s mine, is it not.’ A statement, not a question.

She narrowed her eyes, scrutinising him for a moment before she finally said, ‘Alright, I’m not as cruel as you.’

He winced at her gibe. Probably because it was true. Was it true?

‘It’s yours, so what are you going to do about it?’ she demanded.

His mind raced, somehow it became more real hearing it from her lips. She was pregnant with his child. How? It should not have been possible in the first place and they had taken precautions had they not? Had they forgotten somehow. All it took was one mistake and… This was bad, a weakness. He did not need this, it was dangerous.

Perhaps it was not too late to stop it, he could trick her, induce a miscarriage somehow…

The instant the thought appeared he dismissed it. He broke out in a cold sweat. No, he could never. He could never do that to her. How desperate had he become? He felt ashamed for even thinking of the possibility. But he had considered it. He felt sick.

‘I do not know, I never expected this,’ he finally managed to say.

‘Neither did I, but I have no choice unlike you. I have to be strong for my baby. If that means I’m going to have to raise it on my own, so be it.’

Her baby, not theirs. It was obvious she expected nothing from him. He knew he was being unreasonable, only a moment ago he had considered to kill it, but it irked him. The child was his too, and she had written him off from the start.

He looked at her bare face. Even when angry she was so beautiful to him, it could make him shiver, even when he was angry. He knew he had been selfish and cruel in some way when he had removed her vallaslin, effectively stopping her from returning her clan, to any Dalish clan. But now he felt a sick relief, his offspring would not be raised by the Dalish. Now it had a chance of not becoming uneducated and ignorant.

‘They do not even teach their children how to read!’ he thought aggravatedly.

Ellana could read because she had been the First, but how could it be right to let the rest remain illiterate?

Now it would not get a slave mark on its face. That would be the ultimate insult, Fen’Harel’s child marked with another god’s vallaslin. He felt rage swelling up just thinking about it, but he made himself calm down.

The reality was then that the child would grow up amongst humans mostly, people with connections to the Chantry, people who believed in the Maker. The prospect of it becoming Andrastian did not appeal either. But at least Ellana did not believe, even if she did not declare it every time she was introduced to someone. But there was something else to consider, the child would not learn to speak the Elvhen language, it would not know where it came from nor its proud heritage. And that realisation struck him harder than he could have imagined. He was the only one who could pass on that knowledge. Only he could teach it. A plan started forming in his mind. What would a couple of decades mean in the grand scheme of things? Not much. Especially now when the Inquisition kept order in Thedas. It would mean he could be with Ellana, if only for a short while. If she would have him of course. He could not leave this to chance, it was too important, his pride forbade it.

He made his resolve.

‘Do you still have the eluvian at Skyhold?’

‘Yes, why? ... Solas, are you thinking about coming here?’

‘Yes, yes I am.’ He could hardly believe it himself, he heart beat fast and hard in his chest.

‘Just like that?’

‘Does not the child constitute as a reason?’ True, it was a decision made on the spot, but he suspected this was to be his only chance. If he let it slip, she would never let him back.

‘...It does, even if we’re not together anymore, I want it to have a father.’

‘Vhenan… perhaps we should continue this conversation when I arrive.’ Vhenan, a slip of the tongue. He had not intended to be so upfront with his feelings, not now.

‘ _Vhenan?_ Why are you calling me that?’ she raised her voice angrily.

He was upsetting her, it was not his desire. However, he realised, he had in the past and he was now and he would in the future. There was no other way. He had to try to salvage this.

‘Vh- I mean, ar lath ma. I did not leave because I don’t love you. I do, more than you realise.’

‘Then why did you-’ she stopped as if she suddenly remembered she had asked that question just a few minutes ago, without getting an answer.

She took a deep shuddery breath, ‘If you come back it’ll have to be permanently, I don’t need someone who may suddenly leave on a whim.’

He had not left on a whim, it was something he had been agonising over for months. From the beginning he never intended to stay very long with the Inquisition, just to close the Breach. That goal changed when he understood that Corypheus had somehow managed to wield his foci, and that there now might be a way to retrieve it. As the Inquisition was set on defeating this delusional magister, it was the best opportunity he would get. After that, he would go back to his original plan, and that included leaving the Inquisition. Though somewhere along the way she became so important to him he started to wonder what it would be like if she knew his real identity. Would she accept him, and if she did, how would it be to spend the rest of her life with her. In the end, those thoughts did not go beyond fantasies. But that confession would probably not help him right now.

‘I mean to stay permanently of course, for a lifetime,’ he let a hint slip, probably an unnecessary one. She was an intelligent woman, she must have figured out some things by now.

‘For a lifetime?’ She raised a brow, ‘Rather pompous, don’t you think?’

‘I merely stated the truth.’

‘...I believe I do see what you mean,’ she did not press the matter further however.

She continued, ‘To be honest with you, I don’t know if I can trust you. I don’t think I can. Clearly you’re not willing to tell me anything about yourself. And it’s pretty obvious you’ve been lying through your teeth our whole acquaintance. On the other hand, you helped us, you helped me. You took me under your wing when I was lost amongst all the shemlens. I still believe you loved me, in your own way. Really, I don’t know what to do now.’

To his distress, tears started falling down her cheeks. She vigorously tried to wipe them away but new ones appeared. She turned away, hiding her face from him.

‘I promised myself I wouldn’t cry, and here I am, crying like a baby. You must think me weak and gullible. You just come here and tell me the things I want to hear, the things I’ve fantasised about. I’d tell you about the baby, you’d tell me you love me, that you never wanted to leave and that you’d come back and we’d raise the child together. you must think I’m a fool.’

‘No! You are magnificent in every way. Please,’ he protested, ‘if anything I fear I’m not worthy of you.’

‘Well, you have been acting very cowardly,’ she let out a sad laugh.

‘I am a coward,’ he agreed, ‘but I will work on it. This is all new to me, nevertheless I want to be a good father. I don’t want to disappoint you.’

She looked at him sceptically, ‘You’re welcome to come here, but frankly I believe it when I see it.’

‘Then I guess I will have to show you.’ He could not blame her. He could hardly believe it himself, he had decided without much thought. It was not like him to not go over all options like a game of chess before he came to a decision, if it was important enough. It meant that he usually brooded for months or even years on one issue before he decided on the course of action. The issue which was always looming over him was the People, but this child would be one of the People, so perhaps they were not so separate as he initially thought. Moreover it had been painfully clear, overthinking had not helped him to make better decisions.

 

He looked at his daughter. His child. Her face looked squashed, not as cute as he had imagined Ellana’s child to be. Her sleeping position was rather peculiar. She lay on her back with both hands rolled into little fists which she kept by her ears, her knees pointed outwards and her heels were kept together right under her bottom. Was this the way infants slept? He knew they had to be bendable in order to fit into their mother’s uterus, somehow this must be comfortable for her. It amused him a little.

He did not dare to touch her, in case she should wake up. But he had a keen sense of smell and he could discern her scent quite easily. Perhaps because she smelled so lovely. Why was her scent so pleasant to him? It was as if it was designed to lure him in. So fragile, so dependent on the well wishes of her surroundings. So little it would take for her life to end, only a few hours born into this world.

He had seen too much, so much death and conflict. And the children, the babies, they were by no means spared. No, never spared. What he had seen, what he knew was happening. He had seen infants with broken limbs, crushed skulls. Tortured to death. Infants starved to death, no one taking care of them. Left behind, perhaps their parents were dead, perhaps they simply did not afford another mouth to feed. Every time, it had made him grim, angry.

Once he had stumbled upon a mother and baby, they had obviously been pushed down a cliff. The mother was already dead, but the baby cried feebly. Maybe the mother had broken the fall somewhat. He tried to save it but failed. It died while he was trying to heal it, the trauma had been too severe. It would have been more merciful if it had died instantly, now it had spent the last hours in its short life in agony. At the time he felt weary and frustrated but now long overdue tears started falling. They had been strangers but it was too easy to imagine what if. He cried silently, thankful that Ellana was asleep.

‘Solas?’ Ellana’s sleepy concerned voice cut through the silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Becoming a parent is a hormone fest, they’re fucking with you.


End file.
